Yesterday was snow day.  My whole family stayed home from work.  Katsa called and wanted to go out to PMall to eat lunch.  So we trekked on out.  The snow wasn't so bad, and since most people didn't go to work, the roads were pretty clear of cars.  I bought a cute TripleFiveSoul red tuque.  I call it my action hat.  I also have my eye on a red fashion hat from Replay, it's it a bit much.  I'll have to think bout it.  Sis bought a few purses and some earrings, while Katsa finally decided on a cell phone provider & plan.  So we had a pretty productive snow day.  But the night was pretty rough for me.  I jus couldn't fall asleep.  Sis had the same problem and we sat and watched the tele till 2am.  Sis had to get sleep cuz she workin in da mornin, but I still could not sleep.  I was wide awake, tossing and turning, trying to relax, but a strange feeling kept trapping my body, making me feel like a heavy brick.  Everytime I closed my eyes, it felt as though my body was sinking, every limb felt like lead.  Weird.  Finally gots to bed at 6am, on the couch and awoke to chinese tele shows blaring upstairs at 9:30am.  Crawled out of bed and started mah day!  And boy did it go wrong.  There was some probs with DramaQueen.  I found out that he was uncomfortable/would feel awkward if I went to a going away party with MrCage (note:met MrCage thru DramaQueen, DramaQueen had feelings for me, but knows that we'll only be friends, nothin more...but DramaQueen requested that I not hook up with MrCage...like he could tell me who I can and cannot see...pshaw) Mssgd MrCage, and we both are tired with all this sh*t.  We don't care and will still attend the soiree.  Sis is caught in between, and altho I feel hella bad, I jus told her not to get involved anymore.  Had a few disputes on the phone with her, but we're good now.  I mean DramaQueen really needs to get over this.  He needs to move on.  It's been 2 months.  He needs to stop milking the sympathy from peeps and jus move on.  Let us be happy, cuz the good Lord knows I've had many really bad unhappy days.  Jus so tired of people tryin to run my life, tryin to tell me what to do...it has got to stop, and I have to put my foot down now. 

As if that situation wasn't enuff, there was more to call.  Store called with problems of a leak.  Pipe may have bursed.  Then I realized that it was mah bad cuz I forgot to close the windows in one of the aptmts, causing the water to freeze in the rads, causing them to leak, causing drippage in store below.  Apologized to mom profusely, and offered to pay for damages and hydro bills (a grand in heat) but mom doesnt want my money...so the 2 of us headed out to see how bad it was.  And boy was it bad.  Sheet of ice on main floor with lots and lots of water.  Took 2 hours to clean the mess, moppin, squeezin out the mops, and moppin some more.  Got a lil creative and used cardboard boxes and old pieces of carpet found in apt to help soak up some of the water.  Floors are water-damaged and it's all my fault.  Man...it was horrible and I felt responsible for the extra stress and strain on mom.  Bad bad bad...so absent-minded I am...but I thinks mom forgave me...until the next problem that comes up...

Talked to MrCage tonite.  We expressed our frustrations and anger. Gonna talk to DQ and see if I can smooth things out.  If it was jus a party then we wouldn't care, but it's a goin-away party for a good friend of Cage and DQ and well, frankly we don't wanna be the cause of any upsets or scenes. So gonna give him the heads up so that he prepare to deal with it.  MrCage really doesn't care anymore, he thinkin of avoidin the situation, me thinkin of not goin so that there will not be any situation...sux, but wat else to do?  Small sacrifices have to be made I guess, but I'm missin MrCage somethin awful.  Sadly the whole "I don't care" attitude is kind of gettin to me...how if there are no expectations, then there are no disappointments...jus wonderin...if he would ever fight for somethin that he really did care about...i.e. moi?  Maybe readin too much into this...dunno...but theres definetly sacrifices happenin...if he decides to "avoid" it all by not comin till he has to work..."a small price to pay" he says....but why must i be this small price to pay? should i be a lil upset? a lil worried bout where i stand with him in terms of how he really feels?  Probably gettin overworked up for nuthen.  It's just that I'm so used feelin that i was always top priority... so it's really difficult for me to accept and go with the flow with somthin new. Old habits are hard to break...dunno...so confused...sad... angry...feel like i dont stand anywhere rite now with anyone.  maybe i should jus adopt the "i don't care" attitude...no...i couldn't do that...cuz then i'd have no motivation to work hard for my goals..dreams...what i want... or am i being too overdramatic?? damn it...wish there was a book that told u if the person you're with is the right one for u and worth fightin for cuz you'll be happy and all will be good in life.  But all i know is how i feel.  And there are no guarantees as to the energy bein put in is worth it all cuz it's all a risk.  And it's one that i've taken.  There's not much more i can do but give it my all...i jus hope i can without screwin things up...too badly...;oP