After lunch, I wandered around the mall aimlessly, just walking... I then remembered that i had to pick up some supplies for my promo on Thurs, so I was slightly distracted, which was good. I needed to kill some more time before I had to pick up my mom, so I decided to go to another mall, and once again, I wandered around. My other friend was working at the mall, so I chilled with him for awhile. Then I walked around and did a little shopping. I bought a sweater that I've been having my eye on for awhile...and that made me happy. I then ran into a friend from elementary school!!! For a day that started out with seeing friends, to losing one (maybe), to running into old friends, it didn't turn out too bad!!! I was able to keep my mind off of what was really going on in my life...which is what I really needed...until the night came...
Sigh...I went through a slight relaspe tonite...after I consoled my best friend with her feelings of hurt and back-stabbing. My best friend jamba, who's the greatest person you could ever meet btw, was feeling that she wasn't good enough to be a friend to her ex, because he said that he didn't want to be friends with her. I told her never to think that, and that he was being selfish because he was in a new relationship (note to all: he cheated on my best friend after 2 years and is now working things out with the girl he cheated with), and he probably couldn't be friends with her because either a) his new girl told him she didn't want them to be friends, or b)he still had feelings for her and couldn't be friends with her. After much consoling, ego-boosting, and tears, my best friend felt better. My mission was accomplished...then it was her turn to console me on my relapse, as I thought about my ex being with someone else. I thought I was going to die. I know I said that I didn't want to be with him, and that I had dated over the summer, but they weren't by any means serious. And to think that he's found someone who, even tho maybe not right now, but in the future could be serious with....hurts...a lot...that it could be too late. The worst part is that I really care about him, very much so, and so this is making it much more difficult, because feelings that run very deep are involved here. At times, I wonder if the mistakes I've made in the past are haunting me now, causing me to feel this pain because I've caused others pain. That my mistakes are kicking me in the ass in the worst way possible. That I'm not good enough, and don't deserve anything good, because I'm such a terrible person. I know I shouldn't put myself down, but it's the way I feel. Do you believe in karma? I kind of do, and I'm experiencing it at this point in my life. People tell me it's normal to be hurt when you see your ex with someone else, sure....that's great...it's normal...so now I know I'm normal...but the question is...how do you make the pain go away? People say...it'll take time...sure...but I'm not sure how much more of this I can take before I lose it. I need to confront my problems very soon...and express my feelings, and pain, and thoughts...I'm pretty terrified right now..of being rejected...and I'm trying to prepare for the worst...sigh...but can one really "prepare" for the worst?
Sigh...I went through a slight relaspe tonite...after I consoled my best friend with her feelings of hurt and back-stabbing. My best friend jamba, who's the greatest person you could ever meet btw, was feeling that she wasn't good enough to be a friend to her ex, because he said that he didn't want to be friends with her. I told her never to think that, and that he was being selfish because he was in a new relationship (note to all: he cheated on my best friend after 2 years and is now working things out with the girl he cheated with), and he probably couldn't be friends with her because either a) his new girl told him she didn't want them to be friends, or b)he still had feelings for her and couldn't be friends with her. After much consoling, ego-boosting, and tears, my best friend felt better. My mission was accomplished...then it was her turn to console me on my relapse, as I thought about my ex being with someone else. I thought I was going to die. I know I said that I didn't want to be with him, and that I had dated over the summer, but they weren't by any means serious. And to think that he's found someone who, even tho maybe not right now, but in the future could be serious with....hurts...a lot...that it could be too late. The worst part is that I really care about him, very much so, and so this is making it much more difficult, because feelings that run very deep are involved here. At times, I wonder if the mistakes I've made in the past are haunting me now, causing me to feel this pain because I've caused others pain. That my mistakes are kicking me in the ass in the worst way possible. That I'm not good enough, and don't deserve anything good, because I'm such a terrible person. I know I shouldn't put myself down, but it's the way I feel. Do you believe in karma? I kind of do, and I'm experiencing it at this point in my life. People tell me it's normal to be hurt when you see your ex with someone else, sure....that's great...it's normal...so now I know I'm normal...but the question is...how do you make the pain go away? People say...it'll take time...sure...but I'm not sure how much more of this I can take before I lose it. I need to confront my problems very soon...and express my feelings, and pain, and thoughts...I'm pretty terrified right now..of being rejected...and I'm trying to prepare for the worst...sigh...but can one really "prepare" for the worst?
