So my sister and I finally had the "talk" with my mom, and man was it emotional!! My sister was crying, I was crying, my mom was crying, but hardest and most painful part of it was to see my grandma cry...I didn't know what to do...she was upset about our news of breaking up with the guys in our lives. She didn't understand why we did what we did, nor could we explain ourselves because of the communication barrier.  I can hold daily conversations with her, but to explain what we were feeling and our reasons for our actions was impossible.  It was so difficult to see her so upset over this.  I couldn't say anything...all I did was cry because I made her upset...one of the most important person in my life, who took us in when we had no place to go, who helped raise us and taught us how to cook, to be respectful and caring people, to work hard and above all...to be forgiving...and I disappointed her...and it was so hard to see her like this.  She wanted us to try to work things out. She told us that she could see how much we loved these guys...so she couldn't understand why we both ended our relationships.  Over the years, she learned to accept these guys, and dare I say, begin to care about them.  I feel like a terrible and horrible person to make my grandma feel this way...to make her cry...I know it's not enough just to try to work things out simply because I don't want to disappoint my grandma...but I feel I need to do some serious soul searching and figure things out...
Now, my mom's opinion on relationships is that relationships are difficult and every relationship has its problems, which I totally agree with...Not one is going to be perfect, and if we couldn't work things out now, then how did we expect to work things out in our next one...because if it's not one thing...it'll be another.  From my mom's experience over the years with hers as well as with many people that she has spoken to (family, friends), said that men are controlling by nature...they can't help it...or if they can...it'll take years for them to change...it won't happen over night.  Sometimes women have to close their eyes and ears and bear with it for awhile.  Many of her friends and many of our family members have said that even after 10-25 years...it's still hard.  We have to learn to tolerate it, to make it work, and it takes hard work to make it last...it doesn't get easier over the years...no matter how easy movies, television and society portrays it to be.  It's a struggle...and those who survive, just work hard at it.  My aunts and uncles each had their share of marriage/relationship struggles.  The men were controlling and difficult...but the women took a step back...and tolerated their men..because in the end...they were still good men.  They still worked hard to provide for their family, to love them and fought hard to protect them.  When my grandma was younger, she was shipped out to marry my grandfather under an arranged marriage.  She didn't know him nor did he know her.  He was very controlling and had many many faults, but my grandma stuck it out and worked hard to keep her marriage and family together...she had no choice.  I know we're not in the 30's or 40's and we're not in another country...we're here...in Canada, in the 21st century, but I can't help but wonder if it weren't for my grandma's fight to keep her marriage together, would I even where I am today...healthy...happy...well-educated...got to participate in all kinds of sports and activities...with a great family who even though drives me nuts, still loves me and my sister very much??!!  My mom, along with many other people, unfortunately have made decisions that they long regret.  They had certain special people in their lives that they let go due to issues that seemed unresolvable at the time, but when they looked back, they regretted their decisions, and by then it was too late.  I asked my mom if it was a culture thing..since all the men she talked about were chinese...who are controlling (as I can see through my uncles and friends)...but she said that it's found in many other cultures and started naming off a few examples of her friends who weren't of asian descent.

Bottom line is my mom doesn't want me nor my sister to make the same mistakes she and many others did.  I wish there was a crystal ball to tell me if I've met the person for me, so that I don't make the mistake of letting him go.  That way I'll be sure I'll be happy.  The choices we make are huge risks that we take...I'm just wondering if I made the right choice...and if not...is it too late to change my mind?  If he was willing to take me back those countless times that I made him sad cuz he accepted who I was...then why can't I accept him for who is and work things out? The worse thing is that it might all be too late...and I won't have the chance to try again.