all was going well until later that nite.  it was horrible.  mumz came down to tell me dat the bill for the damage has grown to 5 grand and theres more to come!! oiy...i felt awful. got some wrath from mumz again.  i know its my fault for leavin stupid window open in the apt and lettin the pipes freeze.  anyhow, i got ready for bed cuz i didnt want to hear anymore.  tears were streamin down my face while i was in the bathroom.  i looked myself in the mirror and all i could think of was that i was 23 and was sobbin like a 5 yr old! for years i would cry when mumz yelled at me, but the past few years i've been able to jus take it in and not let it bother me.  i had to or else mumz would prob get the best of me. but last nite i had a major relapse with her.  i quickly sneaked into my room and closed the door. i missed mrcage's call, and that made me even more upset, as the tears continued to flow from my eyes.  mom'z came down and opened my door, and started yellin at me some more.  i yelled back, tryin to defend myself.  we went at it for a good 10 min, then she left.  i checked my cellie and realized i had a message.  it was mrcage! it felt so good to hear his voice, even tho it was only a one-sided conversation.  i listened to the message another 2 times, and all the time i kept cryin and shaking. mumz came down again, and we started at it again. this time i told her that i was sorry and that i always f*ck up things, and that my life was f*cked up, and that i didn't know wat else to do. mumz said that i did that to myself.  and she was right. i did. and she didnt want me to talk to auntie rosie cuz they had it out earlier that nite (auntie rosie blamed mumz for the problems at lakeshore).  mumz said somethin dat made me think really hard.  she kept sayin where were my friends, my family...when i need somethin they're not there.  when i need some help to find a job, my family wouldnt help, even my sis doesnt help.  i was alone.  but mumz alwayz helped me.  she always encouraged me, and helped me in my search for employment by callin all her contacts to see if she could get me in.  she wuz rite.  she wuz alwayz there 4 me, and i let her down by causin her more stress.  as we yelled back and forth, my body couldnt stop trembling, and the tears kept coming out so much that my eyes started to burn and i could feel pain in my ribs.  mumz left again.  the shaking was unbearable.  one more visit from mumz but this time it wuz different.  mumz apologized for yellin at me. i sobbed out my apologies and i cried some more.  we talked bout how i should go about findin a job, and cut down on my expenses by not goin out so much (i.e. she didnt like how me and sis went out every weekend to the clubs cuz they were smoky) altho i dont go out all that much. anyhow, we had a good talk and i felt much better.  sis came down after mumz left to keep me company.  exhuasted from all the cryin..my eyes swollen & wet from my weepin..i fell asleep.